If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
