a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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