my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
