so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
