If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
