i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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