cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
