Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song

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  (847): i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song http://tfl.nu/7299
  Replies (48) Good night (1236) Bad night (4942)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.

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  (720): Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is. http://tfl.nu/8296
  Replies (20) Good night (6283) Bad night (701)
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  (408): View more from California

  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

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  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
  Replies (153) Good night (2042) Bad night (25865)
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  (661): View more from California

  Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds

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  (661): Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds http://tfl.nu/3651
  Replies (13) Good night (6377) Bad night (725)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?

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  (203): walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something? http://tfl.nu/j190
  Replies (27) Good night (7874) Bad night (1356)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.

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  (+44): Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man. http://tfl.nu/2h1j
  Replies (5) Good night (3289) Bad night (980)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?

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  (570): Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged? http://tfl.nu/qezt
  Replies (5) Good night (3178) Bad night (1122)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class

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  (412): I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class http://tfl.nu/hcaw
  Replies (10) Good night (3179) Bad night (939)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea

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  (505): I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea http://tfl.nu/734q
  Replies (7) Good night (2083) Bad night (871)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball

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  (813): It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball http://tfl.nu/dyfa
  Replies (1) Good night (403) Bad night (321)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.

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  (940): Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night. http://tfl.nu/76za
  Replies (2) Good night (654) Bad night (269)
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  (925): View more from California

  But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....

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  (925): But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age..... http://tfl.nu/e96s
  Replies (2) Good night (276) Bad night (517)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.

  (646): View more from New York

  You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.

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  (718): Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well. (646): You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response. http://tfl.nu/j3cp
  Replies (2) Good night (368) Bad night (250)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.

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  (304): Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid. http://tfl.nu/agyj
  Replies (2) Good night (252) Bad night (376)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.

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  (306): There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it. http://tfl.nu/dil5
  Replies (0) Good night (398) Bad night (200)

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