My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs