i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.