So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
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Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?