It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.