don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
