I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
