I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
