he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
