You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
