Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
