Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
