i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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