my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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