and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
