I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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