the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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