Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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