I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
