He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
