She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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