Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
