I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
