Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
