my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Too much gin, very little bucket
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
