can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
