I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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