Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
