remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
