Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
