i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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