I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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