Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
