Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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