He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
