It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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