Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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