one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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