I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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