she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i love accidental penises.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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