what day is it and did you see me today?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
