rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
