marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
