I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
