If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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