I think I died a long time ago.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
