Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
