Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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