You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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