i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
