We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
