I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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