He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
