You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
