I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
