you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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