I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
