Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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