Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
