Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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