Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
