Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
