Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My liver just had a heart attack.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
