I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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