quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
